I love predictability. My weekly planner and calendar are my best friends. I think it is so much fun to maximize my day so that everything is accomplished and I have free time to do what I wish. As a college student, this is a critical skill for hitting the perfect balance. While having chronic illnesses and attending college classes, it is critical that I find this balance. Do all my assignments. Make all my doctor's appointments. Study for exams. Schedule any necessary medical tests. Sleep. Have a social life as tolerated, Get exercise and more. I have a lot of priorities running through my head at any given time. Sometimes, I am not always successful. This evening is a prime example and I am not proud of it.
For months, I've been told not to schedule anything for December 7th, as it was the Family Christmas Party/Reunion, so I didn't. Early December 7th, I felt okay. Manageable pain, moderate muscle spasms, and mild abdominal pain. By 4:30pm, right before the party, everything changed. I was nauseous, dizzy, and abdomen was so painful and bloated. I couldn't hide the pain and I started getting snippy. I took a shower and got dressed in this beautiful sweater that hurt my arms. Because I wasn't allowed to do my hair after my shower, I got even crabbier. Tired, sick, in pain, spasming, and stressed. It was the Perfect Storm.
I was told that I was obligated to go to this event and I know that because I wasn't there, there will be a fallout. Resentment toward me. Of course, this only makes me feel worse and the vicious cycle of chronic illnesses continues.
To my family, I'm so sorry I'm not the perfect cousin, sister, daughter, niece, and more. I would have driven myself to that stinking party if I could have walked out the door. This is why I don't like making plans in advance. When I make plans to leave my house, my chronic illnesses cackle and try to stop me. I guess today chronic pain won. I am left to do homework and watch cheesy Christmas movies, instead of enjoying the company of my family and all the excellent Italian food.