As a late, I have felt extremely guilty about being such an imperfect child. I regularly hear how heavy-hearted my parents feel about me being sick. Unfortunately, I can read them very well and when they are down because of me, I am forced to assume full responsibility as if it is my fault I got sick in the first place. This all drags me even lower and tanks me normally high self-esteem.
All the other parents of children are talking about how proud they are of their child for making the Dean’s List, while being president of three clubs, having a great social life, volunteering, doing research, and holding down a full time job. I am sure it hurts you to hear about all the things I should be doing with my life. I see my doctors more than my friends. I spend more time admitted to hospitals than we spend on vacations. I don’t go to full time like society expects me to do. I am 19 years old, a sophomore in college, with no job, and living with my parents. Can’t be much more embarrassed than that.
I haven’t given up on my dreams of entering the Emergency Medicine major, getting my paramedic certification, and some day going off to medical school, nor do I intend to change my path. I know that unless I get my miracle, these goals will be extremely challenging.
While I am thankful for what I have, I wish my parents could have the following qualities of a perfect kid: I’m an imperfect mess and my parents deserve better. I can’t move on if I’m always feeling guilty about ruining family dynamics. My family is in denial that I am making life more challenging, but actions speak louder than words.
While I am thankful for what I have, I wish my parents could have the following qualities of a perfect kid:
I am a 20 year old junior at the college of my dreams. I am studying Emergency Medicine and Communication Rhetoric and minoring in the Administration of Justice and National Preparedness and Emergency Management certificate. At some point, I want to go and get my paramedic certification when my health allows. I have several chronic illnesses and this blog and website serves as a place for me to share my journey fighting CRPS and my other conditions. I hope that this blog can also serve as an outlet for raising awareness for rare diseases. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy! Feel free to comment; I'd love to know what you think!